Monthly Archives: October 2010

Ancient cats

Back in the ancient days, we would travel the astral plane with the power of our minds. Here in 2010, they are obsessed with using technology for the same purpose. They have space shuttles, airplanes, and cell phones. The ability for telepathic communication has been eliminated from these modern humans. They only use two eyes compared to our three – some have said their vaccination and inoculation program disrupts this ability. They are very fearful of dis-eases and viruses in this time. Food stores offer sanitary wipes for patrons entering the store so they can wipe down their carts. The unseen demon is everywhere: viruses, terrorist cells, and the ever-elusive failing economy.

They don’t realize that the human body is a sufficient machine to do everything they dream. But they keep building new technology to mimic what would be possible from an organic viewpoint. These people worship the machines that they create and spend their whole day trying to fix or improve them. Even the computer chips look like cities when viewed from above. Organic food is viewed as “trendy” as opposed to natural.


Gotta support the team

A man stopped me as I was exiting the grocery store. He asked me if I “support the troops.” I was slightly confused and told him “not actively.” He went on to explain that he is against all of America’s wars abroad, but he wanted me to sign a petition to get the troops better equipment. I asked him what type of “equipment”? He mentions armor, supplies… and tanks! Like with giant guns for putting holes in mountains and evaporating neighborhoods?  He laughed and said “sort of, but we’re just trying to keep our men safe.” But you’re against the wars, I asked again. “Oh yeah! But gotta support the troops,” he reiterated. I found this position confusing being it’s the soldiers that “do” the actual war. Without them, there is no war.

This whole situation is not dissimilar to how my ex-Earth-girlfriend (name withheld) feels about baseball. She supports the players on the field (mainly their butts) but doesn’t really care much for the game of baseball. This gentleman supports the soldiers, but not the war. Which is like supporting the chess pieces, but not the actual game of chess (war). But not even all the pieces -only the white ones (except for, perhaps, the white King & Queen). The white rooks, bishops, knights, pawns are all OK is this guy’s book. Forget the black pieces! They’re BLACK for crissake! That adds up to only 43.75% of the soliders in the chess war that have the full support of people who say “support the troops.” The slogan really should be “support less than half the troops.” And that’s not even accurate because most of the places being bombed don’t even have “troops.” (INSERT ARGUMENT OF OPPOSITION: “Damn right they don’t have troops. They have insurgent-terrorist-enemy-combatant-anti-American-savages. What’s brainwashing mean?”)

So what’s this game about? Is this what it means to be “anti-war” in 2010? Were there people in Nazi Germany who supported the troops but were against the Holocaust?


Body hair

Many women in this culture don’t seem to like hair growing from the backs of men. They seem to tolerate hair from the chest. This phenomenon confuses me. At first, I thought it was just an aversion to hair on the back side of the body. Although, when it comes to the legs of men: calf hair and shin hair both seem equally acceptable. Women will grow their head hair very long and cover their backs. So their disgust to little hairs sprouting from men’s backs confounds me. I found a very long hair in my pasta yesterday. It didn’t come from my back. I think it came from the head of an adult female. Stay tuned…

Snot Banks

Apparently, 2010 has an obsession with goo. There are buildings filled with semen and blood. They call them banks. No sign of snot or puss banks. I’ll keep looking.

Breeding programs

Zoos have what they call “breeding programs.” This is where they force animals to have sex with each so they may continue the existence of their species. Apparently, the male is given some type of boner-pill and then chases around the female in an all-out frenzy. The zoo doesn’t consider this rape. They consider it “helping.”

It is unknown if this culture will continue these forced fornication programs for humans that are dying off. Word is that the indigenous population in Japan is almost gone. Eskimos too. Perhaps they could put them in inner city colonies. Or maybe igloos outside of Home Depot.

I’m not so sure the animals like this program. The question remains: would you rather die in your homeland or live in my closet for the next fifty years? Not only would you live in my closet, but your kin for generations to come would reside there too.

Dogfighting v. Cockfighting

The first episode of season two on HBO’s Eastbound and Down featured very real (non-simulated) cockfighting. It’s interesting what Americans will tolerate. Michael Vick was lambasted for his dogfighting activities – perhaps rightfully so. But, then again, we know how Americans love their dogs. But two roosters pecking each other to the death doesn’t seem to bother Americans. They don’t mind dropping bombs on innocent brown people in the Middle East, but dogfighting is where they draw the line. Roosters…? Eh. Not so much. As Dick Gregory says: “White people will hire a nanny to change their baby’s diaper. And then they’ll walk behind the dog and pick up the dog shit.” Makes you wonder…